Let’s take care of some housekeeping first. 1) Survivor Talk, Dalton Ross and Josh Wolk’s (EW.com) Internet interview show, is back! They’ll be interviewing castoffs and chatting with some older favorites as well! Episode 1 had a phone call with Carolina and an in-office appearance by Charlie from Gabon! Totally worth checking out. 2) While you’re at EW.com, check out Jeff Probst’s blog. He usually musters up some behind-the-scenes goodies, and usually offers his own personal opinions on all the fun happenings. Again – worth it. I guess there’s only a 1 and 2, so let’s get started.

Can we talk Coach for a second? And how no one has commented that this guy looks exactly like Daniel Day-Lewis circa “The Last of the Mohicans”? I mean – seriously! Ok, ok..maybe not exactly, but still! What is this guy’s deal!? He’s holier-than-thou, he’s rockin’ a wicked frock-top/pony-tail thing on his head, and he picks menial fights about topics such as “How To Cook Rice and Beans”. Also – how does one become known as “Coach”. Ok – So it requires some coaching of some sort, right? But then what? He walks around his everyday life going, “Yanno what? I have a huuuge ego, and am basically in love with myself – just call me COACH!” Pass my judgments along to anyone who goes by “Coach” in life – I take issue!

That said – I still love watching this guy! He hits on “Candance” (as Jerry spells it) shortly after arguing with her! He struts his stuff down the walkway of Tribal, coat slung over his shoulder! I mean – this guy is a character. And boy, do we like characters on Survivor. Can’t wait to see how far he goes. (I’m still thinking about what it would look like if he was running through the forest with nothing but a bow and arrow…but hey, that’s just me).

Dear Taj: If you’re trying to win a million dollars on a show like “Survivor,” you have to lie. Like when your tribe asks you about your Heisman winning trophy millionaire of a husband, YOU LIE. Like a rug! You don’t say, “Hey, yeah…I already have a shit-ton of money.” What are you doing!? When I heard the SWV member was on Survivor, I called her out as never having a shot in a million years at taking home the prize. I stick to that (No matter what Gail says!). Taj is going down. And soon.

Exile Island provided Brenden (and Taj) with a clue to the Hidden Immunity Idol – it’s the same idol as the one back at camp! Brenden and Taj have a clue, and so does Sandy and Sierra. Someone find the damn thing already! Nifty little twist though – the cast member chosen for Exile then chooses a member of the opposite tribe to join them. Clever one, Jeff and Mark!

The immunity challenge – a little twist on the game of Basketball. One of your standard, run-of-the-mill “tackle the other tribe and get physical!” type of deals. While Timbira had a solid lead of 2-0 (with 3 to win…), Jalapao came back to take it sending Timbira on a date with Jeff.

At Tribal, “Candance” was voted out in a unanimous vote, pleasing the nervous Sierra. Note – both Sandy and Sierra (the first two “voted off”) have survived their first Tribals. Interesting how that worked out…I’m rooting for Sierra. And since Sandy is a big-bag-of-crazy, I hope she sticks around, strictly for entertainment value.

Carolina and Candace = first two gone. I wonder how many seasons of “Survivor” one needs to watch in order to learn that the loud-mouthed bossy types never make the merge. As if people love being told what to do via dominant bitchiness (male or female, I ain’t discriminatin’!). Pre-merge: You shut your mouth, you help the tribe, you don’t make yourself stand out too much, you fly under the radar. So again I pose the question:  How many seasons of “Survivor” watching does it take to figure this one out!?

Dear Candace and Carolina:

Duh.

All my love, Nick

Tocantins is heating up! I’ve rambled enough, but go watch Dalton’s Survivor Talk show! And Jeff’s blog, too!  Later kids.