Is there anything worse in the world than Betty Draper on Mad Men? Sure, there’s that whole world hunger thing, but have you even heard Betty Draper’s whiny, complaining voice lately?! Nails on a blackboard, I tell you!
Mad Men is back in full force, and all seemed to be right again as far as my DVR schedule is concerned. But then Episode 2 happened (entitled “Tea Leaves”). The episode focused on Fat Betty Draper who is eating a ton and getting fat because she’s depressed. Then, we got a red herring! What was that, Matthew Weiner? Betty might have cancer? Oh, nope. She’s just unhappy. Again.
Focusing on Betty this early in the game (or at all) is the worst idea ever because it pumps the breaks on a show just starting to build momentum again. And by “pump the breaks,” I mean it brings these mad men to a screeching halt. (Totally fell for the red herring too. How would Betty’s death affect Don’s new life? And what about the children? WON’T SOMEBODY THINK OF THE CHILDREN!?).
I used to sympathize with January Jones’s character a lot. Don was an inattentive, cheating asshole and Betty deserved happiness, right? To feel like she was loved and cared for? After all, she is the mother of his children!
Well, fuck her. I’m done with that shit.
Needless to say, January Jones is equally as terrible as the character itself. And there, my gentle readers, is the double-whammy! January Jones is unable to show any emotion in her face at all, and this is sort of one of the main principles of acting. I don’t think you have to go to Julliard or The University of Acting Awesomeness to figure that one out. Have you ever seen X-Men: First Class? It’s like Betty Draper ran away from Don and became a superhero! Exhibit B: Saturday Night Live. Among a cast of ridiculously tight pros, January and her character are just so, so out of place. Kind of like an undercover cop at a Phish show.
This is why I’ve decided that Betty Draper Must Die. Speak it. Spread it to friends. Hashtag that shit on Twitter. #BettyDraperMustDie. Without Betty Draper whoring around, ruining things, and wasting precious minutes of our beloved show, Mad Men would be nearly perfect.