The Definitive Guide To the Unique Taste of Millions

This book’s been out for awhile now, but I just recently picked up a copy from my wonderful local library (to which my librarian recommended the “Pabst Blue Ribbon” entry). The book is everything you’ve come to know and love about the blog with the same name: witty and humorous writing that calls white people out on their utter bullshit. Perfection.

Stuff White People Like is like a testament to the Fairfield County area of Connecticut (shoutout burn!). I’m just a few pages deep and I’ve already uncovered these wondeful little tidbits:

Coffee: “White people are given extra points for buying Fair Trade coffee, because paying the extra $2 means they are making a difference while their peers are drinking liquid oppression.”

Religions Their Parents Don’t Belong To: “For the most part, white people prefer religions that produce artifacts and furniture that fit into their home or wardrobe. They are also particularly drawn to religions that do not require a lot of commitment or donations.”

Organic Food: “In spite of the fact that most organic food is made by major agribusiness, which just uses it as an excuse to jack up prices, white people will lose their mind for organic anything. Nevermind the fact that if the entire world were to switch to 100 percent organic food tomorrow there would be mass starvation and famine. White people don’t care about this. As long as they aren’t eating pesticides, they are pretty sure they can live forever.”

And my personal favorite (so far)…

Diversity: White people love diversity, but only as it relates to restaurants. Many white people from cities will spend hours talking about how great it is that they can get sushi and tacos on the same street. But they will also send their kids to private school with other rich white kids so that they can avoid the ‘low test scores’ that come with educational diversity.”

Of course, you can read all this stuff on the website, but white people love reading books. It makes them feel more culturally connected to the world around them. When a conversation comes up over dinner or even at the work place, white people love to brag about the books they’ve read and the significance of the message. It makes them feel more educated.

Books also look great on coffee tables. And white people love good coffee table decor too.

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