Survivor Cambodia Episode 5: Don’t Mess with Kimmi’s Clams

probstSurvivor Episode 5 proved something that we’ve already known: tribe switches fuck everyone over…and they are amazing!! Despite the switch being rough on some, Tasha and Savage survived two tribal councils, despite being the minority original Bayon members of Angkor. Former Takeo turned on former Takeo. This week, when Bayon went to tribal, history repeated itself and former Bayon turned on each other. THESE DECISIONS SHOULD BE EASY, PEOPLE. But yeah. Go ahead and vote out your baes.

Luckily for viewers – this slam-dunk season continues like the kind of NBA Jam dunk when the glass backboard shatters and the announcer’s all “BOOM SHAKALAKA!” Unfortunately for Monica Padilla, her game ended after she was betrayed by her own (and after editors finally showed her talking for longer than 5 seconds). Such is the game of Survivor!

Here were some other happenings on the beach this week:

No Fishys for Fishbach. Do not pass go. Do not collect $200. Poor Stephen’s doofy edit continues. In an immunity challenge where tribes had to launch sandbags at their team’s targets, Stephen scored a point (YEAH, FISHBACH!) – but not for his team. YOU GOTTA HIT THE PURPLE ONES, MAN! I can’t. I just can’t. Poor guy.

Abi-Maria finds Woo’s story (about his Mom who had a heart transplant and almost died) to be annoying. Abi had a tendon transplant in her knee which is the exact same thing. So what’s the big deal, people!?

-The Survivor team’s editing was a little weaksauce this week. Kelly Wigglesworth said nothing at tribal. She might’ve said like three and a half words. Her lack of screen time more or less tells us that producers think she’s boring and are probably unhappy with her responses, but there was no way we were believing that her torch was getting snuffed. Your hardcore “I never missed an episode” viewers didn’t buy that shit for a second, Probst. OF COURSE, she wasn’t going anywhere.

-Meet Kimmi Kappenberg! My ladyfriend (a new school fan) couldn’t understand why Kimmi wouldn’t STFU about something so trivial, like clams. “Welcome to Kimmi!” I said as I rolled my eyes. This woman! :::shakes fist::: :::not to punch of anything, violence is bad::: :::she’s just UGH::: Can Kimmi go away as soon as humanly possible?

But seriously, Kimmi? Another fight about FOOD!? Where’s Alicia and her wagging finger when we need her?

And for the record, I don’t believe that Kimmi’s “move” was strategic. She didn’t like Monica for personal reasons and she used the girl’s alliance thing as fuel for her own agenda. Monica was simply suggesting that they vote out Spencer over Kelly. She wasn’t trying to go all kamikaze for Jeremy or anything. This was a terrible move for Bayon, and in particular, for Kimmi. This could spark distrust in all of the original Bayon members, so it’ll be interesting to see what the reaction is to this vote off.

monicaAdios Monica. I’m not sure how I feel about Monica. Sure, Russell Hantz took her out early in Samoa because he said she was smart and would’ve been trouble for him. And sure, Monica is telling the press everything that she did that wasn’t shown in her lack of edit this time around, but I don’t know. I don’t hate her, but I don’t love her. Adios, senorita.

Next week:
When Probst shows up at your camp, especially at night, it’s never a good sign. Will a medevac take out a member of Takeo?

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