If there’s one Internet fad I’m getting sick of – and I sure as hell hope it’s a fad – it’s listicles. These “Top 10 Things You Didn’t Know About ____” lists that have infested, and subsequently, rotted the Internet. And it’s not just those types of lists, but all quizzes, GIF-jammed whatevers, and “You Know You’re from the 80’s When…” thingamajigs that are best left for chain emails your mom sends you that you delete without reading.
Yet, these listicles have run amok (amok, amok, amok…). Facebook feeds are increasingly succumbing to the domination, which is yet another reason I’m finding it difficult to stay in tune with Facebook (I don’t give a shit what character you are from any popular film or TV show…unless maybe if that show is Buffy, but still, piss off).
When I was originally brainstorming this post, I didn’t necessarily want to throw shade at any one site or “media outlet” in particular, but it’s going to be difficult not to call out BUZZFEED, so there it is. Buzzfeed, Buzzfeed, Buzzfeed. Though listicles have always been popular in journalism (Cosmo, Rolling Stone, other scandalous housewifey fare), Buzzfeed has certainly grabbed a hold of the style and cashed fucking in, man. So on one hand, kudos to them for knowing how busy our lives are, realizing how little time we have on our hands these days, and still making us beg to find out the most inane details about Mean Girls that we didn’t catch from watching it the first 37 times. BuzzFeed is both a blessing and a curse to the modern day web, but perhaps, maybe more the second part.
To follow suit (hey, if you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em!), here are the Top However-Many-Points-I-Can-Think-of-While-Sitting-At-This-Computer Things You Didn’t Know about Listicles and Their Not-So-Secret Ploy for World Domination:
- People are actually paid to “write” them. I KNOW. You’re sitting at your desk crunching numbers, working overtime and taking it up the tailpipe from your boss while others are twiddling their thumbs to create a quiz that will tell you which Meryl Streep you are. (Yes, that’s a real post.) And Meryl Streep Quiz Maker guy? He’s getting the same paycheck as you. ‘Murica.
- If you want to look at GIFs of 80’s cartoons and see some way nostalgic photos of Jesse and the Rippers or Zack Morris, you can just Google them yourself. Caaa-raaazy, riiiigh?! There’s this website called Google and they even have an Images section that brings you right to the tight pants and 90’s hair. It’s like an unlimited brunch buffet with bottomless mimosas, only BETTER.
- There are actually better sources to waste your time on. SPEND. I mean spend your time on. Why deal with the tedious baby, wedding and food photos anyways? Ditch the Facebook Feed and explore what God really wanted you to marvel at: drunken Snapchats from last weekend and adorable kitty photos on Instagram. You’ll thank me one day.
- Listicles are sort of like Kindergarten picture books but for big people. Seriously. There’s like a 12 word count, max, on every one. I don’t know about you, but I can probably read at least twice that amount in one sitting.
- Most of these shareable quizfact posts are stolen from Tumblr anyways, so why not hang there? There are plenty of genius Tumblr and Twitter accounts, so why not raise your standard of Shareable Internet Tomfoolery already!
Is this post over yet? See! Damn listicles strike again!
But hey – I still raise a pint to Buzzfeed! They have noticed our American love for the easy way out. They know that our hands are usually sloppy from eating disgusting fast food in our cubicles, leaving us with feelings of self loathing and only one clean finger with which to scroll! They’ve taken such silly, stupid, dumb, time-wasting content and made it super visual, and better yet, shareable. They nailed their execution, stuck the landing, swished the three pointer. So why not check out their post about the 8 Celebrity Tweets You Missed Today?
Or…you could just go read Twitter. Your call.
You’re right. America, quit being so lazy!!! Get off your butt and read Twitter or look at Instagram! Don’t have Buzzfeed do it for you!!! This is why we’re all overweight. Because we let Buzzfeed do the work for us.
teeheeee 🙂 I feel like you usually have another reason for not liking Buzzfeed and sites like it. They take away from the real bloggers? Something like that. But much better stated, obviously. I’d like to hear more about that.
I do have other gripes with BuzzFeed, but my other reasons didn’t really vibe well with the type of blog I wanted to write =) Though, I do often click on some of their click-bait…it’s almost impossible to avoid them all together, right!? OH, THE INTERWEB. Thanks for the comment!
Ohhh ok, well that makes sense. Gotta go with the vibe. By the way, I’m moving to Vermont and then Canada. Buzzfeed told me I should live in Vermont, but also said I act like my nationality is Canadian, so I’m makin’ moves.
It was really nice knowing you! I’ll visit you in Canada soon! Praise be unto BuzzFeed!
I like them.
The worst are the articles titles like “She puts a cat in a tub of water, what happens next, I’ll never clean the same way again”
I will take listicles over those bullshit, desperate, attention seeking articles any day of the week.
LIKE
haha touche, Liz!