SPOILER ALERT: Watch the episode “The Morning After” before reading this post. Cuz like…duh.
There’s no way to bury this lead—did Evan Peters just bang…Evan Peters!? It’s a crude way to begin the blog (usually, I try to bury the self-imposed anal sex toward the end) but the Rubber Man returned to American Horror Story last night and he really brought the cray. The last time we saw that black latex hell-thing, Tate was raping Vivian Harmon and impregnating her with…Michael Landon. So what the actual hell is going on here? AHS is no stranger to WTF moments like this, so here are a couple explanations:
1) Outpost 3 is actually the Murder House and the original Rubber Man (Tate) is helping Papa with some mastermind manipulation to control Gallant and off some of the Outpost 3 residents. I don’t think this is very likely, but man, what a twist that would be. Based on the exterior shots we’ve seen of the hideaway, this seems like a long shot.
2) Langdon, being the Antichrist and all, has special powers and can use Tate on a whim for his wicked devilry. Or:
3) Landon did have sex with Gallant and was impersonating the Rubber Man himself. (But then how did he trick Gallant into killing his grandmother Evie? Sorcery? Magic powers?)
Amid the madness, Langdon tells the group that there’s a special sanctuary put together by the Cooperative and he’s there to decide who is worthy enough to reach salvation. The news is met with mixed reactions; some, like Coco St. Pierre, let their entitlement lead the way knowing their hefty $100 million ticket to safety should continue to keep them safe. In actuality, I’m guessing Coco doesn’t have much time left.
Meanwhile, Emily and Tim find Langdon’s computer which tells them that Venable and Big Boo Bates are making up the rules as they go. So they do what any other pair of horny teenagers would do to get back at authority—they have sex! (I doubt the Outpost has any condoms…do they really want a pregnancy and/or infant on their hands during the apocalypse? Shut it down.) When Venable and Big Boo’s rouge actions are called into question, they appear to be confused. Is Langdon setting them up to try to turn the Outpost clan against them? Possibly.
And then there’s the Westworld crossover. Venable and Big Boo try to execute Emily and Tim for boning each other (if only they knew what the Rubber Man was up to!), but in his attempt to save them both, Tim shoots Boo who stumbles out to the hallway to reveal that her wound is oozing white goo and sparking. The only way I could be any more confused is if Ed Harris and Evan Rachel Wood knock on the door, guns ablaze.
All of these potential androids have got me thinking: Aren’t there supposed to be witches in this season? We’re left wondering where our beloved Misty Day, Myrtle Snow and Cordelia Foxx are, and whether or not they’ll crash the party to take down Langdon once and for all. (The use of Fleetwood Mac’s “Gold Dust Woman” was such a tease!) But as we all know, this is American Horror Story and any way we slice it, all of these characters are most likely screwed anyways. Literally and figuratively.
Other notable tidbits:
-Langdon mentions “feral cannibals” lurking outside, so I guess AHS will capitalize on the ol’ zombie hysteria. I’m feeling a little zombie’d out lately, so hopefully there’s a unique spin to this.
-Joan Collins’ Evie pretending to be 52 is some superb content and I am here for it. (She looks great, but LOLZ.)
-I’m still scratching my head at how they will incorporate Murder House ghosts in this, but I suppose Episode 6 (directed by Sarah Paulson and featuring Jessica Lange) will reveal that in due time.
-I’m still (understandably) stuck on Michael’s hair. Did he secure more conditioner than food for the impending apocalypse? Surely, if you’re the Antichrist, you get a memo or an email that the End of Days is coming. Did he stock up on Pantene ahead of time? He looks like a knock-off Lestat, and I can’t really decide if his look and vibe work for me.
-How will the timelines work to include the witches? Are they all still going to be the same age? Are they immortal now? I don’t understand many things.
Check out last week’s post!